[DracoTarot]

@Saka Apologies for the late reply. We were without electricity for 3 days. I'm really to so over advice given by others who do not really understand what is going on. It's ok to listen and to have some guidance but from my experience, most of the advice given doesn't really help a lot.

On many occasions I followed the advice and then it doesn't work out and the same person who has given the advice would switch over to criticism.

I know it must be a very hard decision to make especially if others around you have a different option. If I was in your shoes I'd feel the pressure and there would be a whole to of things going through my mind. Going ahead with the surgery and it doesn't work in your favour criticism sticks out its ugly head and if you do not go ahead and it would be a success, resentment comes forth to torment. You already made up your mind it seems and I would say stick with your decision. Do what's best for you.

Thinks here in my country is not only backwards it's an utter disaster. We are having the same issue of not getting rid of the past and most people here still seem to be living in the 90s. I also want to enjoy life to the fullest and have the freedom to better myself. At this moment due to external factors like mentioned before it's not possible.

I do not have any disabilities but I do suffer from chronic migraines. When they happen I do lose vision for a while and am unable to continue with certain things until the migraine subsides and I regain my vision. It becomes a burden for others, especially for someone I work for. There is no cure for it and it's something I need to live with for the rest of my life. I'm not able to work in direct sunlight the whole day. Sunlight triggers an attack which means I'm unable to assist where is needed. It makes me feel useless and people seem to think I'm useless.

Here if you have some kind of disability or illness you can be sure you'll be kicked on the curve. My only option is to earn an income from home and since the electricity crisis started I lost many online contracts. I got on my feet again for a while then all fell apart again due to the non-existent power.

I have no resolve for my current state of affairs. We can't go solar because we are not allowed to and if allowed it costs thousands of dollars. I do have battery backup but it only lasts 2 or more hours. There is no way to charge the backup when we have 12 hours of cuts per day.

I'm not the only one in this position thousands of people here are experiencing the same thing and do realize I'm not the only one fighting for survival. Our hands are tied.

We are now a grey-listed country and hated by most foreign investors. What going to happen I dunno.

What I'm trying to emphasise is if all the things I'm facing right now are self-inflicted I need to accept the outcome and try to better myself and find a resolution but it's not.

My question is how do I get out of this hole? People who created the circumstances are unable to dig themselves out of the situation. Am I to blame for my current circumstances? Some people do think I am to blame and I quote " You should have made provisions for the future."

"You should have done more in life." The list goes on.

So here I am ranting about things and once again I do apologize.

[Saka]

@DracoTarot I wanted to give a proper response, so it is a bit delayed too.

Chronic migraines suck, I feel you. I also suffer from them, but luckily right now they have gone back to sane levels. I don't lose any senses, if anything, everything feels twice as strong and unbearable and I feel sick. Fortunately, if it's an one time off then taking a large amount of painkillers and sleeping it off helps. I found out however, that having any kind of inflammation around my head can trigger these attacks and they will not subside until the inflammation is resolved. That's... "fun". Can't imagine going temporarily blind. I sometimes get diplopia from migraines and already hate that.

The complications from my previous surgery brought full-blown vestibular migraines that made me essentially bed-ridden. On top of excruciating pain even slight motion would make me sick enough that I was close to throwing up the whole time, and there were vertigo/dizziness attacks too. Definitely not a fun experience. I have someone in my family who has migraines so bad that he can't work anymore. It's awful to watch him struggle with the sense of self-worth due to that.

(I believe people's worth is not determined by what their bodies can or can't do)

About feeling useless... Well, sometimes there are things we can't do, for various health-related or just physique-related reasons. For example I can't do any phone calls or voice chats. It does eliminate me from some work tasks. To be fair, I am glad Gen Z is so good at refusing to do phone calls, it makes life easier for me too to push for the use of written communication. I hope that eventually you will get an accommodating work place and things will look better for you.

(Important thing to note in work life: Emails leave a paper trail, phone calls do not. Probably one of the reasons so many people insist on a phone call, to tell not-so-good things that would get them in trouble otherwise...)

The energy crisis in SA is awful. It's hard to believe it has been going on for years and there is still no resolution. I've been playing with some SA people in WoW and it's a lottery if they can attend a raid or not because of the blackouts. They do have the batteries too, but as you said, they only last so long. So even having fun in a game is limited in these circumstances. I feel bad for them, because many guilds don't want people from SA anymore for their teams. It can be a hell to manage these random absences, especially if you plan to play more hardcore. I am just a step above a casual nowadays.

As for people with poisonous words, alas those are everywhere. It is so hard to get the poison out of one's mind. Some humans are just terrible. I doubt anyone in the Legion community thinks you are at fault in your hardships. It might not be much, because of the distance... But please continue to contribute whenever you can, and if you need to rant a bit, that's fine too.

[DracoTarot]

@Saka Thanks for listening to my rants and not judging. I just wish I could go through a portal into another dimension.

Would be great to have some peace of mind.

[Saka]

[Saka]

The dinos had a nice comic today and I thought of @DracoTarot when I saw it:

[DracoTarot]

@Saka Giving up isn't an option and I will continue to fight. My biggest flaw is my mindset. It's something I need to work on. My journal is my voice. Hopefully what I've penned down would someday be meaningful to others. 😊

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@Saka Thank you so much! 😊

I'm most definitely not my best these days but I know the energy I've spent to at least try was good enough.

[DoctorEldritch]

Originally Posted by DracoTarot

I'm most definitely not my best these days but I know the energy I've spent to at least try was good enough.

It is a nice image, though I wish it were in the present rather than past simple tense.

[Saka]

@DoctorEldritch I fixed that picture for you and @DracoTarot



Sorry, my lettering is not great.

[DoctorEldritch]

@Saka Aww, thank you, this is nice of you.

I think your lettering is quite good. Better than mine, certainly. Though, as a doctor, I am obligated by law to write everything cacographic, those are the rules.

[Saka]

@DoctorEldritch I have "decent" handwriting, but it is far from traditional calligraphy.

I also have written very little by hand in the last couple of years, so that doesn't help.